World Mental Health Day: How to Talk to Your Child About Their Feelings

On 10 October, the world marks World Mental Health Day. It’s a good reminder that children have big feelings too, and that they often need a little help finding the words for them.

Most parents know that talking matters. The harder part is knowing how to start. “How are you feeling?” can get a shrug, a “fine” or a quick change of subject. That’s not because your child doesn’t want to talk. Feelings are hard to name, especially when you’re six, or ten, or fourteen.

Start with the small things

The best conversations rarely happen when you plan them. They happen in the car, over a snack, while building something or walking the dog. Children often find it easier to talk when they’re side by side with you doing something else, rather than sitting face to face.

So don’t wait for a big moment. Little, regular check-ins build the habit, and they make it easier for your child to come to you when something feels bigger.

Ask in a way that’s easy to answer

“How was school?” is too big a question. Try something smaller:

• What made you laugh today?
• Was there a moment today that felt tricky?
• Who did you sit with at lunch?
• If today were a weather forecast, what would it be?

For younger children, a drawing or a game with toys can say more than a conversation. For older children, a text, a note or a chat late in the evening often works better than a direct question.

Listen before you fix

When your child tells you something is wrong, the instinct is to solve it straight away. But often, what they need first is to feel heard. Try “that sounds hard” or “tell me more” before you offer advice.

It also helps to avoid saying “don’t worry” or “it’s not a big deal”. It comes from a kind place, but it can make a child feel their feelings aren’t welcome. Something like “I can see why that upset you” tells them it’s okay to feel what they feel.

Share your own feelings, too

Children learn a lot from watching how the adults around them handle emotions. Saying “I felt a bit nervous today, so I took a few deep breaths” shows them that feelings are normal and that there are ways to manage them. You don’t need to share everything, just enough to show that everyone has good days and hard ones.

Give feelings a name

Children who can name what they feel find it easier to cope with it. Simple words go a long way: worried, frustrated, left out, excited, proud. If your child struggles, offer a guess. “It sounds like you felt disappointed” gives them a word to hold on to, and they can tell you if you’ve got it wrong.