Are these ‘Three Great Untruths’ making young people less resilient?

Having recently finished Jonathan Haidt’s book The Coddling of the American Mind, I was struck by a concept I think is worth discussing as a community. Haidt describes what he calls the “Three Great Untruths”: ideas that have become increasingly common in modern culture, but which psychology and centuries of philosophical thought suggest may actually make young people less resilient. At NAISR, developing resilience and thoughtful independence is a core part of our wellbeing work, so these ideas are very relevant to the conversations we have with students.

Haidt claims that the three great untruths are “ideas that are so bad, so wrong, and so contrary to both ancient wisdom and modern psychology that if any young person embraces all three, they are practically guaranteed to be unhappy and unsuccessful.” With this in mind, I thought you might be interested in reading a bit about them.

1. The Untruth of Fragility: “What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker.”

This untruth is, of course, the opposite of Friedrich Nietzsche’s dictum: “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” – which perhaps is also a bit too broad to be fully accurate, though I see where he’s coming from.

Modern psychology increasingly supports the idea that young people need manageable challenges in order to develop strength and confidence. Nassim Nicholas Taleb calls this antifragility — systems that actually grow stronger when exposed to difficulty.

For example, if a child is shielded from all dirt, germs, and viruses, it can block the development of the immune system and contribute to a lifetime of medical issues. Similarly, if a child is shielded from all risk, or uncomfortable situations, there is risk of blocking development of normal social and emotional skills and heightening their anxiety and social discomfort in later life.

2. The Untruth of Emotional Reasoning: “Always trust your feelings.”

This untruth is the opposite of a fundamental insight found in Stoicism, Buddhism, and many other ancient traditions. These traditions teach that our emotions and automatic reactions often lead us astray. Because of this, they should be questioned and examined rather than treated as unquestionable truths.

For example, believing that your feeling of anger is proof that someone has harmed you is one of the major cognitive distortions identified in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). It is called emotional reasoning. One of the key processes of CBT is learning to recognise and challenge it.

3. The Untruth of Us Versus Them: “Life is a battle between good people and evil people.”

This is the most destructive of the great untruths. It lies behind almost every conflict between groups, from everyday political disputes to the horrors of genocide. It reflects humanity’s evolved tendency toward tribalism.

While we are, as a species, naturally tribal, reducing complex issues to simple “good versus bad” thinking is rarely helpful and often harmful. As the writer Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn famously observed: “The line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.”

Helping students resist simplistic thinking and develop empathy for complexity is an important part of preparing them for adult life. I’d like these to be a starting point for discussions about how we can help young people become resilient, thoughtful, and compassionate members of society.

Parent Feedback

If there is anything we can do to help support you in fighting these great untruths at home, please don’t hesitate to contact me with questions, disagreements, or queries. You can email me at paul.staveley@naisr.nl or feel free to ask any wellbeing questions you might have via this form that will be the basis for future ‘Q+A’ posts where I can address any common wellbeing questions that our parent community might have. While responses to this form are visible to me, any questions or comments that are shared in future wellbeing posts will always be anonymised.