Helping Your Child Manage Big Emotions

What is emotional self-regulation?

Self-regulation is the ability to control and manage one's emotions and behaviour according to the situation. When a young person experiences strong and uncontrollable emotions such as anger, anxiety or sadness, you may witness these behaviours: tantrums, outbursts, whining, or confrontation.
Adults can help the young person calm down by responding to these behaviours in a comforting, non-judgmental way, while giving them the chance to find other ways to react to the situation.

Learn how emotional self-regulation supports student wellbeing and learning.

1. Helping children understand their emotions

To help develop self-regulation, encourage the young person to name and talk about their emotions before they become too intense. Avoid promoting the idea that “a good mood is the right emotion to adopt”. Teach them that everyone experiences a range of emotions and that none are inherently good or bad.

2. Teaching children how to manage difficult emotions

Teach the management of difficult emotions early in the young person's life. In the early years, they will learn by watching you. Show them how you deal with these emotions. For example, when you are frustrated, nervous or angry, describe your coping strategy out loud.

3. Validating emotions matters

You can use validation to help a young person calm down; this approach will require you to accept their emotions. To do this, give them your attention and be receptive to their body language and facial expressions. It also means understanding their perspective on the situation and letting them know that it's okay for them to feel that way.

4. Creating clear routines and expectations

To promote self-regulation, establish clear rules and regular routines. It may be a good idea to let the young person know of any upcoming changes. For example, before interrupting an activity the young person is engaged in, say something like: “In fifteen minutes, we are going to get ready to go out. “

5. Offering choices to reduce conflict

Asking a young person to do things they don't want to do can trigger difficult emotions in them. To mitigate this kind of reaction, you could, for example, offer them two options (either “A” or “B”). This strategy often has the effect of limiting negotiations and tensions.

6. Preparing for challenging situations

If you know of situations that may irritate the young person, it may be helpful to discuss the upcoming event and strategize about overcoming emotional challenges.

7. Problems solving

When a young person goes into a crisis or has a tantrum, your instinct might be to ignore it, but it can be helpful to revisit the events after the fact. Talk to them without judgment and together identify things they could do differently when a new event occurs.

8. The power of five special minutes a day

To help manage any stress that may be affecting the young person, it can be effective to set aside some time each day to both take part in a fun and meaningful activity of their choice.

How ICS supports student wellbeing

At ICS, emotional wellbeing sits at the heart of our approach to education. Our inclusive environment, strong pastoral care, and access to school counselling help students develop emotional resilience alongside academic confidence.

If your child is having difficulty self-regulating their emotions, talk to the school counsellor anytime for support and other coping strategies.

Want to learn more about how ICS supports your child?

We believe that strong emotional skills help children thrive academically, socially, and personally. If you would like to learn more about our approach to student wellbeing, curriculum breadth, and global learning, we would love to hear from you.

Contact our Admissions Team to arrange a visit or speak with us about places at ICS.