Today, there is no shortage of advice about strategies and techniques for supporting children and young people, and this can seem both confusing and contradictory. How, then, do we approach parenting in the modern age, given the layers of complexity that did not exist when we were growing up? What is supported by research, and what actually works within a particular context?
As discussed in a TEDx talk from 2020, “Trampoline Parenting” is the idea that, rather than protecting our children from failure, we instead create support systems that help them bounce back from setbacks.
This is a powerful analogy: we soothe, support, and acknowledge our children’s challenges while creating the conditions that allow them to meet those challenges with resilience. We are not the safety net that prevents every fall; we are the trampoline that helps them rise again.
I deeply believe this—not only as a parent, but also as someone who witnessed, growing up, the unintended consequences of a child being “rescued” too often. I often share with parents that one of the hardest parts of parenting is walking the fine line of support: too little guidance and children may flounder; too much and they become dependent.
My own children are now in their twenties, and still, when they reach out with a question or a complaint, I sometimes have to stop myself from instantly providing a solution. They cannot learn from my mistakes—they have to experience and navigate their own. And yet, resisting the urge to step in can feel impossibly hard.
Watching those we love experience sadness, disappointment, or heartache can be excruciating. We long to shield them. Protection—physical and emotional—is important, but it is unrealistic and unhelpful to promise, as a friend once did, “No matter what happens, I will always be able to solve your problems.”
Parents and teachers share a common mission: to equip children with the skills and confidence to become independent adults. School provides a safe space for learning how to learn, for building positive relationships, and for appreciating who they are as individuals. There are many low‑stakes opportunities to get things wrong, to “fail well,” and to understand how to do better next time.
So how do we help children acquire these skills without solving their problems for them?
The best teachers become coaches. They:
•Ask questions that help children build on what they already know. When a student says, “I don’t know what to do,” a skillful teacher might respond, “What do you know?” and guide them toward constructing their next step.
•Model and narrate thinking. Just as children acquire language from the speech around them, they learn problem‑solving and emotional vocabulary from the adults they observe.
•Co‑regulate emotions. A child in meltdown rarely calms when told, “Stop crying.” But a simple acknowledgment can work wonders: “You look really sad. Leaving the party is hard. Do you need a hug?”
•Provide a buffer by listening without judgment. Sometimes the most supportive question is, “What do you want to do next?”
•Normalize all emotions, helping children recognize feelings and develop strategies to return to calm.
•Encourage persistence. When a toddler is learning to walk, there are many tumbles along the way. The parent ensures safety, but the child has to learn to take their own weight—that is how they develop the strength to stand and move forward. Our role is to cheerlead their effort, even when they fail.
Setting high expectations means children won’t always get everything right—and they shouldn’t. Mistakes offer rich opportunities for learning. Feedback that helps them identify and correct their own errors builds resilience, confidence, and independence. Real learning is not about perfect scores; it is about failing well and trying again.
Even knowing all this, we still sometimes step in too quickly—because it’s faster, easier, or simply too painful to watch them struggle. Years ago, a wise parent of one of my students said to me: “As a parent, you need to know your child, hold your nerve, and trust that it will all work out.”
Twenty years later, I remind myself of this often.
At BISC, we deeply value the partnerships we build with parents. These relationships help us understand how students operate across different settings and allow us to create shared strategies for nurturing resilient, independent problem‑solvers.
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