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Supporting children as they learn to identify, understand, and manage their emotions is one of the greatest gifts we can offer them. Emotional regulation isn’t a skill that is intuitive to children- it is something they learn through repeated experiences of safety, connection, and practice with trusted adults. At school, I support students through structured check-ins, using tools like the feelings wheel, and providing a calm environment that allows them to safely talk about challenging things. Families can use many of these same approaches at home to strengthen young learners’ abilities to navigate big feelings.
Below are some warm, practical, and research-supported strategies that parents and caregivers can begin practicing right away.
Young children cannot regulate what they cannot identify. At school, I often start with a feelings wheel, a visual tool that expands emotional vocabulary by showing both basic and nuanced emotion. Research consistently shows that “emotion labeling” reduces the intensity of distress and activates the parts of the brain that support reasoning and reflection (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Try this at home- Use any version of a “feelings wheel” with your child and ask them “What’s the closest feeling to what you’re experiencing now?”
If your child isn’t sure, offer gentle guesses- “Your body is showing me that you are calm” or “You told me (what happened). I might feel (emotion) if that happened to me.” Another way you can adapt this for younger learners or more creative students is to ask them to choose an emoji or color that represents how they are feeling today. You can then help them connect this answer to a feelings word.
It is best to begin practicing this in a moment when children are feeling calm enough to communicate effectively. This practice alone will help them build emotional literacy, which is foundational for self-regulation, empathy, and communication.
One of the most important ways children learn to self-regulate is by helping them feel physically and emotionally safe. In counseling sessions, students understand that what they share with me is private unless someone is in danger of being hurt or has been hurt. Ensuring privacy explicitly helps children open up without fear of being judged or getting in trouble.
At home, you might say: “You can always tell me how you’re feeling. I won’t be upset with your feelings; I just want to understand them.”
When they feel safe, their nervous system becomes more open to problem-solving and reflection. This sense of security builds a foundation for healthier coping strategies and helps children feel more confident expressing what’s really going on inside.
Studies show that sensory regulation supports attention and emotional calm, especially in younger learners (Pfeiffer et al., 2015). Tools like fidgets, stress balls, soft putty, or even simply drawing while talking can support the brain’s ability to stay grounded.
At home, it can be helpful to offer options to a child who may be struggling to talk through something hard. You can do this by keeping a small “calming basket” in shared spaces, and by allowing children to walk, pace, doodle, or manipulate a fidget while discussing feelings.
Children often learn regulation by watching adults regulate themselves. You do not need to handle every situation perfectly- what matters most is showing them what it feels like to notice a feeling and make a choice
Some phrases you can try at home include “I am feeling overwhelmed, so I am going to take three deep breaths” or “I got frustrated/angry/overwhelmed, but I am working on calming myself down”
This aligns with decades of research on attachment and co-regulation that suggest children borrow the calm of an emotionally regulated adult (Siegel & Bryson, 2012). It can also help to make sure that their emotions are seen as signals, not problems.
Children need their bodies need to feel safe and settled before they can access logic and reasoning. Rather than asking and then waiting for your child to regulate, it can be helpful to go through regulation together.
There are many actions that you can take to co-regulate:
Once your child’s nervous system settles, they can think more clearly about what happened and what they might do next time.
Children open up when they sense curiosity rather than criticism. Instead of asking children directly why they may have done something, use “exploratory” questions instead.
Some examples include: “I notice your voice got loud when we were in the store today. What was your body feeling in the moment?” or “What were you needing when you did this today?”
By practicing this language, you are helping them to build internal awareness rather than shame.
Just like reading or math, emotional regulation grows through frequent, brief practice. Incorporating a check in to your morning or nighttime routine ensures that emotional conversations feel normal and are not isolated just to difficult moments.
Here are some simple ways you can practice this
Closing Thoughts
Emotional regulation is a lifelong skill that begins with trust, openness, and the knowledge that emotions are safe to explore. At BISB, we work with students every da to strengthen these skills, and when families partner with us at home, children experience more consistency and confidence in navigating their inner world.
If you would like more resources, visuals, or strategies tailored to your child’s age, please feel free to reach out. I am always here to support our students, and their grown-ups.
References & Further Reading
Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child. https://drdansiegel.com/whole-brain-child-handouts/
Roche, M. A., Back, E., & Van Herwegen, J. (2024). Parental perspectives on the use of
fidget toys and sensory-seeking profiles in autistic and neurotypical children. Current Psychology, 43, 15872–15882. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-023-05483-3
Mathews, L. A., Osmani, K. J., & Martin, J. E. Examining the Effectiveness of Fidgets on
Attention of Elementary Students with ADHD. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1272882.pdf
Life Skills Advocate (2026): Fidget Tools for Regulation: Matching Sensory Needs to the
Right Tool. https://lifeskillsadvocate.com/blog/fidget-tools-for-regulation/
By Kasey Charron, MSW, Lower School Counselor
I am a clinically trained social worker with a master’s in social work from Simmons University and a BA in Psychology from Ithaca College. I have worked with children and adolescents for the past 10 years, beginning in my hometown of Canton, Connecticut, and later at Walden Behavioral Care in Dedham, MA as a mental health counselor and clinical intern.
In my work with students, I use cognitive behavioral therapy and play-based approaches to help children understand, express, and manage their emotions in a supportive and empowering way. Outside of school, I enjoy running and hiking outdoors, and baking sourdough when the weather takes a turn!